Same Stuff... New Blog...

I think I'm starting a new blog.  I will probably continue with this blog, but I'd like to start over in some ways.  If you'd like to follow the new blog.... send me an email.  kfigueroa seven at me dot com



:)

I Made It.

through the longest week in history.  I'm not sure why it was so long.  But it felt like a month.  It's Friday.  And I WILL celebrate tonight. 

15 more school days until Christmas break.  ohmygod that's not soon enough!

In other news- I am running for Mom of the Year with my creative Elf on the Shelf ideas.  Will have to do a post on that.  In all of my free time!  :)

Is It That We Hate What We Have?

I am a believe that the grass is ALWAYS greener.  Who doesn't want what they can't get/afford?  But, I don't know what I want.  So, I'm thinking another job would help take my mind off the current frustrations AND help the financial burden at home- yes?  BUT.   big.fat.but.  I seriously do not have time to be running around and doing something else- so this brings on a whole set of new problems.  Who will watch my kids?  Does paying them to watch them defeat the purpose of said second job?  Will I have new mom guilt about spending even LESS time with the cherubs?  

Oh I don't know.  And I'm STILL looking for the manual for life.  How do I navigate the flow chart?  

I think this is just what it is.  Until my kids are grown, can take care of themselves, and I can retire with the $500 million powerball winnings.  Hahaha.

White Flag.

This may be one of the hardest posts I've written.  Not because it's something awful.  Not because I've lost someone.  Not because my kids are sick.  Because life is hard.  And I'm really unhappy with the way it is right now.  Don't get me wrong.  I still don't get how the stay at home mama's do it some days.  I really think that I am meant to be a working mom.  But my kind of work involves every ounce of my undivided attention.  I'm not saying that other jobs don't- I know they do- I'm saying I can't handle splitting my time.  And for ME to admit that.... is big.  I don't admit defeat.  I'm usually dead before I give up at something.  I haven't given up yet.  But I'm very close to surrender.  

This school year is the hardest I've had yet.  The demands keep growing.  My kids need me more than I can imagine.  My school kids are challenging.  The constraints on my job are challenging.  I'm tired.  VERY tired.  I've worked with crazy people before.  I've had difficult classes before.  I've never wanted out before.  I don't know what's so different.  I really can't put my finger on it.  I do know that I don't enjoy what I'm doing right now.  I realize that about half of the working world feels that way every day.  But in some weird way, I've never had this feeling.  I consider myself lucky that for the last seven years, I WANTED to go to work most days.  I enjoyed making a difference.  Now, I feel like a robot.  I feel like everything I do is so un-genuine (yes, I know- I'm making it up as I go along).  

So.... what to do?  Who the hell knows?  What DO I want to do when I grow up?  What skills do I have?  Would I enjoy the corporate pace?  I think I would definitely enjoy the corporate paycheck.  Could I keep up?  Should I sell my house and my possessions and try to do the stay at home thing?  Should we move to South Dakota?  Okay. not there.  But somewhere crazy?  My kids are little.  Perhaps I should have done this before the were born- but now? I still have time before they to go school.  Why do I feel so lost?

Every time I confront this subject- I feel more lost.  I end with more questions then I begin.  It makes my head hurt.  a lot.  Please, PLEASE tell me there is someone out there that feels or has felt this way?  Then provide me with the answer.  Or at least some advice for working through it.  I'm so stuck in my funk- and it's not me- so I need to get out.  

Can't wait to hear some advice! 

One Week Down...

The first week of school is FINISHED!  Okay, so it was only four days, and next week is only four days, but every day counts!  This year should be interesting.  Last year, I had the dream class.  I had a couple of slacker kids and one kid I really couldn't connect with, but this year, there are LOTS of behaviors.  Not all of them are bad, but I'm not sure how they mesh together.  Looks like I'm going to spend the better part of the weekend trying to devise a decent seating chart. 

Anyway- school aside, it's been tough to get back in the routine.  Monday, Eric was home with the kids for the day, which hasn't happened all summer.  I did get home late since it was the first day (6:30ish).  That has happened several times for me- that he'd leave early and get home late.  When I came home, he looked like he was ready to jump off the nearest bridge.  As much as I was not prepared to swoop in and take over right away, at least it's good for him to get it.   Parenting is hard.  Very rewarding, but hard.  I was secretly satisfied that he remembered that it's not all fairytales and cupcakes.  I'm the first person to admit that I'm a better mom because I work.  I appreciate, love and spend more time with my kids because I work.  The rest of the week, Eric was working a ton, to prepare to take the weekend off.  I was on duty by myself.  Yuck.  It's not fun. 

All of this has made eating right very hard.  I went to NYC last weekend for a bachelorette party, and gained a few lbs (I'm sure also in water weight).  By Tuesday, I also had a cold.  This doesn't help.   I got my act together and went for a run on Wednesday.  I had a weird clicking in my foot.  I made it to the podiatrist this afternoon and I officially have a bone spur.  No high-impact exercise for 7-10 days.  NOOOOOOO.  I'm taking the anti-inflammatory, so maybe it won't be quite so long.  We'll see how we can manage with the weight-loss.  Slow going around here!  :(

We are headed to Avalon this weekend for the un-official end of summer.  Bummer.  Where did the summer go?  I am excited to spend a nice, four-day weekend with my family- even if it is crazy and chaotic!

How Do You Fit It All In?

It's back to school time...  who's overwhelmed?  I'm sure that's a yes from anyone that has children or works in a school.  It's a busy time of year- all around.  I find myself wondering how I can fit it all in and get everything done.  

I live somewhat by the mantra that something has to give.  It's either your house, or your job, or you feel like you're neglecting your kids.  At the current moment, MacKenzie has been farmed out to my mother in law.  It's not bad that she has time with other people, but of course, I feel guilty.  I feel guilty taking my kids to the babysitter (whom I love, and they love- but it still doesn't make it better).  

How do you manage to get your home cleaned, provide a meal for your family, do the laundry, work, take care of the kids, and find time to relax and enjoy the chaos around you?  I always wonder how it will work out- and I can't explain how it does, besides the fact that it does.  I know I have a lot of help that keeps me sane- and I couldn't do it without help.

I want... I want... I want...

and I'm probably not going to get it.  And even as kids... we sometimes learn the hard way.  I REALLY want this house.  

I know- awesome, right?

It does like perfect and nice- I promise you it's NOT.  But, even though the current owners smoke in it, do not take care of it, and it needs work, I know it's the perfect place to settle with my family.   The price tag is modest for a house of this size with 5 (YES, FIVE) bedrooms.  But it's a little.little.little bit out of our reach.  The monthly payments are probably not going to be the problem.  It's the fact that we need serious cash for closing costs and some initial repairs (who doesn't have working kitchen appliances and can still live in a house?!).  We don't have lots of liquid cash.  We aren't really prepared to move, which means we were squirreling money away (even though we should be).  So, maybe this is the kick in the pants we need to start preparing.  For another house (insert whining and tears here). 

If it's meant to be, it's meant to be, right?  Try telling that to a mom who probably wasn't told no enough.  Or my two year old.  Ugh.