Saturday, January 24, 2009

Pulling It Back Together

So today was the first day I actually felt productive in a LONG while. For the first time in a long time, I actually felt like I was pulling it back together. I was able to go to the Y (my now New Year's Resolution), get some laundry done from our vacation, clean the house and get a massage (thanks for a gift card from a friend who knew how rough life can be). So, I feel a lot more together these days. Thanks goodness, because I was really getting sick of coming home to mess, going to work in a mess, looking like a mess, etc. The trend was just really annoying and not like me.

As much as all of that is helping, I still can't help but wonder, what if? We're planning on going on going to the mall tonight, and I know I'll stare into Baby Gap, maternity stores, etc and think how much I'd like to be shopping for those reasons. I know the only thing that's going to help is time, but I wish I could fast forward at this point. I'm also really scared about if I get pregnant again, how paranoid I will be.

Oh well, I guess there's not much we can do now, except wait (and lose a few pounds!) I know it'll come someday, but I'm about the worst and being patient for things I really want. Because of my go-getter attitude, if I want something, I just make it happen. Unfortunately, many times my sister has reminded me that this is not something you can just "make happen." Anyway, now that's off my chest.... haha, isn't that what blogs are for?


Christina said...

I could have written a post identical to this a little over a year ago.

Immediately following our loss, I was *ready* to try again. I begged my hubby to ignore the "three month rule," as cautioned by my OB... but he insisted that we wait--and for that, I will forever be grateful. It wasn't until later that I realized I really wasn't ready. It was a hard, hard decision to come to terms with, but it made sense in the end.

I, too, stared longingly into the stores you mentioned... and that became such a hard thing for me that I finally just stopped going to the mall. I didn't go back until I was eight months along with Camden and practically certain that we'd be bringing him home with us after a visit to the hospital.

What I'm saying is that I get it. I have felt the way you do right now, and I want to promise you that it gets better. For now, though, keep vocalizing. Keep putting pen to paper--you'll be so glad you did.

Ashley and John said...

love the new blog background! :)