Worthwhile

Sometimes we get caught up in the drama.  and the MONEY.  and the time.  and EVERYTHING.  sometimes it's okay to get caught up.  But every now and then, you need someone who brings you back.  Tonight was that night.  

Our teacher contract ends in my district on Saturday, and we'll begin working "status quo."  Not much will change, but hopefully things don't start getting ugly.  I don't want to work the contract.  I don't want to hurt the kids.  I don't want to not do work at home.  But, I want to make sure that my family is taken care of and that I don't need to take on multiple jobs for the rest of my life.  I've gotten wrapped up in that ugliness.  On both sides.  But why are we here?  

We are here to teach.  We are here for the KIDS.  We are here because we love to watch the a-ha moments and help them through the pain.  We love to parent- even when it's hard.  even when they're NOT OUR KIDS.  Because- they're all our kids.  They are our future.  

So I went for a run at 9:00 tonight.  My kids were in bed and I was feeling fat.  I decided to run and lose my mind for a half hour.  About a mile and a half in- I heard a tall middle schooler yelling my name.  Because I live in the district I work, this is not uncommon.  There are a few students in my neighborhood- but I chose not to teach those kids.  I thought they were saying hello- until I realized it was him.  The student who struggled ALL YEAR.  He came from a seemingly perfect neighborhood.  Until I saw in the newspaper that his father was in jail.  for a HORRIBLE HORRIBLE crime.  Boy's behavior was BAAAD, and he was giving his poor mother a run for her money- when she was trying to hold it together- inside AND out.  

So- since this situation is not in the "how to be a good teacher" handbook- I did what I thought was best.  I gave him tough love.  A LOT OF IT.  He hated me for awhile.  But that's okay.  I knew I was doing what was right. 

He ended the year on a good note.  Dad was sentenced and away in prison.  Mom said that things improved when I talked to her at the end of last summer.  And time passed.  When Boy told me his mom was inside my neighbor's house, I told him to tell her I said hello.  He texted her and she came running out.  "Some people have that one person in their life that changed them.  You are that person to my son.  Thank you for saving him."  What?  Seriously?  I had NO idea.  She raved about what a fabulous sixth grade year he's had thanks to me.  She went on and on about how much I loved and helped him through the most trying experience of his life.  

I was on cloud nine.  or ten if there was one.  How sweet!  All too often in every business we only hear the bad.  In education, we see more success than other jobs, but it's hard to let go of some kids and not see their outcome.  This mom made a decision to tell me what I difference I had made in her son's life.  Amazing.  Simply amazing.  I cannot believe what a profound difference we make everyday- without even knowing it.  Makes me feel like all of my frustration and work is worth it.  Even when I want to shake them and hug them at the same time.  Even when I want to give them the answers- but can't.  Even when I lose sleep over them at night.  It. Is. Worth. Every. Minute.  

So- thank you S- for finding me tonight.  And picking my tired soul off the ground and giving me wings to fly again.  Another year in the books- and many more ahead. 

Midweek Confessions

I'm linking up with Ashley at the Pollock Potluck again for Midweek Confessions!

• I may have gotten completely undressed in front of my washing machine to ensure that EVERY ARTICLE of clothing that was dirty was washed last night.  Thankful that the washer is right near our bedroom :)
• I may have cheated a teeeensy bit on the sugar detox.  The chiro says I have to start over... what?!?!?  
• Okay- I cheated a LOT this weekend.  I gave up.  I am getting back on track.  Instead of trying to detox (we've already proven I can't do that) I'm cutting back.  I can do that!
• I have been exercising and running more- YAY!
• I may have had a mini-meltdown pity party on Monday.... for lots of reasons

Okay- what do you confess???

Make It Monday!

This week, I decided to remove the wax from a cool jar candle.  But... I didn't take a picture of the candle before. This is what the candle look liked before.

Like the greenish candle in the front!

I liked the jar, but any other time, I would have thrown it in the recycle bin because it has junk in it!  NOW- I know how to fix it!  This pin may be the saving grace of my bathroom!  :)   So- I started cleaning it out (and even though I have an iPhone- I failed  to take pictures!)- and here is the finished product:

Finished product with cotton balls!  

Now- I just want to go buy more candles so I can re-purpose then when I'm finished!  Don't forget to check out Ashley's Make It Monday Post!!!

Justified.

Saw this link today while looking around online.  Makes me feel even more validated!  But- my little psycho girl who was hitting, kicking, scratching and bed wetting last night is spending the weekend with her grandparents.  And of course, five minutes after she left I wanted her back!  Ugh.  The grass is always greener.  We had a nice lunch with my mother in law at Talula's Table in town and went to the farmer's market.  A nice way to spend a steamy hot Friday afternoon.  Miss my love bug- even if she isn't always lovey! 

How can you not miss this crazy kid?!

Losing it.

Funny how this title accurately describes how I feel tonight, yet only makes me think of this book.

photo courtsey of amazon.com

I loved reading it.  I never thought I would have anything in common with Valerie Bertinelli, but I guess so!  Tonight- I thought I was going to lose it.  I had a great morning- Mason woke up early, I fed him and he went back down.  Mackenzie slept until 10:30!  I got tons of work done.

For lunch, we went to one of my student's houses.  As I got ready, Mackenzie mentioned that she wanted to stay in Mason's crib to play with him.  I indulged her.  How wrong.

That would be my sweet little Mason's face.

Seriously- before you call CYF- PLEASE LISTEN!  I didn't do it!  I was in the bathroom trying to apply deodorant (did I ever finish doing that?) and I heard Mason scream.  I turned the corner into his room to see MacKenzie smacking the crap out of him.  Yikes!  I went and grabbed him, and I found them.  Poor baby.  He sobbed for a good ten minutes.  It was like the devil arrived.  So- needless to say, we were a few minutes late to lunch.

Lunch went well for the most part.  Mackenzie was shy and didn't want to play with the other kids- but eh.  Whatever.  At least she didn't kill anyone!  When we got home, it was far past nap.  I couldn't stop thinking about how said Mom and I discussed how hard it is to have kids and raise them right (she obviously has a lot more experience- 4 girls- oy vey!).  Everyone always discusses how hard it would be to be pregnant, how much weight you gain, labor, birth, etc. but never really how hard it is AFTER the baby is born.

I honestly don't know if I ever really suffered with post partum depression, but I was never diagnosed.  Diagnosed with anything or not- it's still hard.  Some days, you are just DONE.  Over.  Cooked.  Exhausted.  Crazy.  Mental.  Psychotic.  Whatever you want to call it.

so true!

Trying to keep things in perspective is hard.  Trying to remember that every day will not be your smiling, skinny self holding an adorable baby or toddler, sipping Crystal Light and strolling through the garden to pick your veggies for dinner.   Sometimes, you are just. done.

I love that this image is from thejoyfulmotherclub.com

And that's okay! Thank GOD for social media- I vent.  Especially when I feel alone.  Or especially when I feel like my husband doesn't get it.  And thank god for this, and this, and this and this and this and this.  Even though those moms don't even know me- they keep me sane.  Reading and writing proves that I'm not the only one!  Then, you need a blog to make you laugh.  Like this one.  Lord knows I know a lot about teaching, but not much about clothes.  Thanks to my sister- I can laugh AND learn!    I don't know if I would be human if I didn't talk about it.  Okay, I would be human, but I may look like this:

Yes- I'm not a chef.

Is Anyone Really Out There?

HELLO!?!?!? 

If you are out there- PLEASE comment!!!!!  I feel like I'm writing to no one- in which case- maybe I should just quit writing and keep pinning things on Pinterest!  :)  #pinterestobsessed

Nighty night :)

Midweek Confessions

I've joined Ashley at The Pollock Potluck for midweek confessions.  I'm going to try to do this each week!  

1. So I may have cheated a teeny bit on my sugar sweep yesterday- and God told me that my punishment was an immediate stomach ache!  Shame on me...
2. I may have had a dance party with my daughter when no one was looking.  Burning calories people, burning calories!
3. I'm CRAZY addicted to carbs- I've decided.  Not eating sugar is SOOOOOOO hard!
4. I wish I could get rid of the plastic mounds of crap that invade my family room.  I need less stuff and a bigger house.
5. I think about looking beautiful A LOT more than I do anything about it.... we can hope and wish, right?

Make it Monday (on Tuesday!)

I've decided to team up with Ashley at the Pollock Potluck and do a Make it Monday post!
I didn't want to spend a lot of money on Father's Day, because we both get a lot of the things that we want- but I wanted to make it memorable.  Our kids are really the reason we get to celebrate these special days, so I wanted to give Eric a gift from the kids.  So- with letters painted by Mackenzie- and a photo session at the park, here's what we came up with:

 

I'm happy with how it turned out.  It started with these photos:

I tried to get one with the letters spelled out- but Mason was DONE.  So- this was the best we had:

Our Father's Day was nice.  Eric has to work on the weekends- so we didn't get to see him all day, but we went out to dinner with both grandparents:

Mason getting ready to go!

With Mimi and Poppy!

With Lita and Lito!

Family shot!

Diva!

Mason- 7 Months

Oh, Mason- I can't believe 7 months (and 8 days) have passed since you joined our little family!  You are the most happy, chubby, roll-filled, boy.  You are crawling (backwards only!) and you love your exersaucer.  Mackenzie absolutely loves making you laugh (how do you think we got this awesome shot of you?  You are so big, and I can't wait to see how you use your height to your advantage in the future (intimidating Mommy and Daddy better be out of the picture!).  You still love to eat (anything!)  and you sleep through the night.  We try to give you the nightcap bottle between 10-11 to keep you down until 8:00 or so (did I mention that you like to eat?)  I always struggle with taking your pictures on time, but the seven month pictures will be up soon!  Your laugh is hilarious- almost like a gasp for air.  I love watching you when we're out in the wind.  You can't catch your breath and you get all flustered.  It's so cute.  You are such a fun, mommy-loving boy. 

A little teary-eyed.

So, during my precious time alone today (also known as naptime), I spent a few minutes on pinterest (cause who doesn't love to put off the 5,000+ things they should be doing?) only to find that a friend had posted a link to this book.  That lead me to this blog.  Be sure you have a few minutes and some tissues around.  Woah.  Kudos to Matt for raising his little Madeline on his own.  But then again, what if you had no choice?  What a horrible scenario.  I'm beginning to think it's time to buy a Kindle so I can read the bazillion books on my reading list (including this one).

Although I love a good cry (those of you who know me know that I HATE to cry in front of people), I always read blogs like this and feel guilty.  I feel guilty that I have it better than others.  I feel guilty that I get caught up in the materialistic views.  I feel guilty that I don't love my kids enough.  I feel guilty that I spend more time at work than at home.  I feel guilty that I don't enjoy life enough.  Every day, I feel like I should live here, instead of here.  There's nothing bad about the big, lavish lifestyle, but I feel like I get caught in the hustle and bustle of it all. 

So- again- I'm stuck- where do we go from here?  How can I practice being grateful, not worrying about money as much, not worrying about THINGS as much?  How can I appreciate my kids more?  That.  May.  Take. Time.    I wish I were more patient!

Sugar Detox Begins Tomorrow!

Well, here we go.  Tomorrow, I will begin my sugar detox.  I gave up caffeine a week ago.  Day 1 was absolutely, positively AWFUL.  Not only was it the final three days of school, but I was up most of the night preparing gifts and my end of the year movie for my students.  Not fun.  My migraine lasted most of the day and evening.  By Day 2, thankfully, the headache had gone, but I was dragging, after two nights without much sleep, I really needed coffee or a Diet Coke.  By Day 4, I really didn't miss it.  I know that caffeine is going to be much easier to cut out than all of the other crap I eat.  I also was able to get by not indulging in a soda by eating something else, especially sweets.  I don't know what I'll do without both.  So, here goes nothing.  I'm sure there will be many posts about how miserable I am, but hopefully it will jump start some healthy eating!!!!