Thursday, June 21, 2012

Losing it.

Funny how this title accurately describes how I feel tonight, yet only makes me think of this book.
photo courtsey of

I loved reading it.  I never thought I would have anything in common with Valerie Bertinelli, but I guess so!  Tonight- I thought I was going to lose it.  I had a great morning- Mason woke up early, I fed him and he went back down.  Mackenzie slept until 10:30!  I got tons of work done.

For lunch, we went to one of my student's houses.  As I got ready, Mackenzie mentioned that she wanted to stay in Mason's crib to play with him.  I indulged her.  How wrong.
That would be my sweet little Mason's face.

Seriously- before you call CYF- PLEASE LISTEN!  I didn't do it!  I was in the bathroom trying to apply deodorant (did I ever finish doing that?) and I heard Mason scream.  I turned the corner into his room to see MacKenzie smacking the crap out of him.  Yikes!  I went and grabbed him, and I found them.  Poor baby.  He sobbed for a good ten minutes.  It was like the devil arrived.  So- needless to say, we were a few minutes late to lunch.

Lunch went well for the most part.  Mackenzie was shy and didn't want to play with the other kids- but eh.  Whatever.  At least she didn't kill anyone!  When we got home, it was far past nap.  I couldn't stop thinking about how said Mom and I discussed how hard it is to have kids and raise them right (she obviously has a lot more experience- 4 girls- oy vey!).  Everyone always discusses how hard it would be to be pregnant, how much weight you gain, labor, birth, etc. but never really how hard it is AFTER the baby is born.

I honestly don't know if I ever really suffered with post partum depression, but I was never diagnosed.  Diagnosed with anything or not- it's still hard.  Some days, you are just DONE.  Over.  Cooked.  Exhausted.  Crazy.  Mental.  Psychotic.  Whatever you want to call it.
so true!

Trying to keep things in perspective is hard.  Trying to remember that every day will not be your smiling, skinny self holding an adorable baby or toddler, sipping Crystal Light and strolling through the garden to pick your veggies for dinner.   Sometimes, you are just. done.
I love that this image is from

And that's okay! Thank GOD for social media- I vent.  Especially when I feel alone.  Or especially when I feel like my husband doesn't get it.  And thank god for this, and this, and this and this and this and this.  Even though those moms don't even know me- they keep me sane.  Reading and writing proves that I'm not the only one!  Then, you need a blog to make you laugh.  Like this one.  Lord knows I know a lot about teaching, but not much about clothes.  Thanks to my sister- I can laugh AND learn!    I don't know if I would be human if I didn't talk about it.  Okay, I would be human, but I may look like this:
Yes- I'm not a chef.


Real Life Mom said...

I hear you! I remember after having my first baby how alone I felt and how I had no idea about the realities of being a mom. No one really talks about that part. Now 3 kids in I truly love it, but at the end of the day, okay, even at the beginning of some days, I'm just done. That's why my kids go to bed so early. ;)

Ashley said...

aww thanks for the sweet shout out!

It's validating to hear other moms have those days too. I had one yesterday- a day that was supposed to be PERFECT- a day at the beach with my mom (aka "help with Luke"). He refused to nurse all day so I had engorged boobies, IN a bathing suit, AND a screaming baby. awesome. just awesome.
I think typing it out helps us laugh at ourselves sometimes. Yes, laughter is the best medicine.

So glad your little guy is okay! (and you too!) :)

wsh1266 said...

I love the " why do they want dinner every night." picture because I still feel this way, especially during summer vacation because you can spend all your time going from meal to clean up to meal again, or so it seems. Between that and worries about being hauled in by the nutrition police, some days you realize paper plates and frozen food are cheaper than a therapists office and it will all be okay. Try not to hold yourself to perfect mom standards because none of us are- good enough mom is okay 90% of the time, easy.

Anonymous said...

You are so sweet to include me in your list! Thank you! Oh it's heartbreaking when one of our kids hurts a sibling...I can definitely relate. Kids are such little a-holes sometimes. Love 'em, but still.