Tuesday, October 21, 2008


I'm just confused.... bothered.... frustrated... let down... sad. I'm not sure which adjective describes it best. This is the only time in my life besides getting married I've ever had to wait on someone else to make a decision. It's really hard when you disagree. The even harder thing is when you have no other option but to wait. So we're at it again. He's still not ready. The okay news is that I really honestly think I can get over that. I do. It will take time, but I do. But seriously, honestly, truthfully from the bottom of my heart think that he will never, ever, ever be ready.

He doesn't know what he wants. He doesn't want to sit at a desk all day, but doesn't want to be out and about. He doesn't want to work weekends, but wants to be in the golf business. He truly does not know. The funny thing is that that is what I love about him. I love that he doesn't make decisions and doesn't plan. And you wonder why I'm frustrated?

So, I realize that this is not the right time I guess.... but I still refuse to go back on the pill. I don't feel like screwing with my body again. He can take care of it if that's what he actually does know that he wants.

But what do I want? If I can't have what I want.... then I want time.... to be alone... and deal.


Elizabeth said...

I am sorry Kelly. It is very hard when someone so close is not on the same page as you. He will (with time) want a child, esp. since he knows how much you would like one. Keep venting on the blog, it helps to get it out!

Shanny said...

Oh Kelly, that's so tough. I'm sorry that he is not ready yet. I think you are right, I'm not sure guys are ever ready. But us, we know when and how much we want it, if only they could feel it like we do. I hope he starts feeling that need for a baby soon. Maybe he needs to finish up this year with no thought of it and then hopefully 2009 hits his daddy instincts really really hard.

I'm so sorry, but I agree with Elizabeth: keep venting. That's what we are here for.

Chelle said...

Argh! Men can be so freaking frustrating some times! You want to kick him in the boys, but you have to remind yourself you love him and need those boys. Boys!