I'm just confused.... bothered.... frustrated... let down... sad. I'm not sure which adjective describes it best. This is the only time in my life besides getting married I've ever had to wait on someone else to make a decision. It's really hard when you disagree. The even harder thing is when you have no other option but to wait. So we're at it again. He's still not ready. The okay news is that I really honestly think I can get over that. I do. It will take time, but I do. But seriously, honestly, truthfully from the bottom of my heart think that he will never, ever, ever be ready.
He doesn't know what he wants. He doesn't want to sit at a desk all day, but doesn't want to be out and about. He doesn't want to work weekends, but wants to be in the golf business. He truly does not know. The funny thing is that that is what I love about him. I love that he doesn't make decisions and doesn't plan. And you wonder why I'm frustrated?
So, I realize that this is not the right time I guess.... but I still refuse to go back on the pill. I don't feel like screwing with my body again. He can take care of it if that's what he actually does know that he wants.
But what do I want? If I can't have what I want.... then I want time.... to be alone... and deal.